would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
