why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I understand Curling. That high.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
