shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
