I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize