Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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