i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
