I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
