1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
