She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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