I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I've blown a few things in my day
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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