i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So many bounce houses so little time
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
