I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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