just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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