I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
