You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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