hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
