Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize