It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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