Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
