how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
