Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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