I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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