What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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