Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
