I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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