Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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