Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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