Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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