I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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