I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
