Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
