you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize