I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
