Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
