Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
