Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
