We're like a lot better than the average bears
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
