Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
