I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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