booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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