in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
