it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize