The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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