You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize