At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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