I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
