nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
