September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize