Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
