Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
