My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
