i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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