dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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