My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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