I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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