Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
