Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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