just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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