my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
