he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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