Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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