I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize