Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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