I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
two words: eviction party
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
